Thursday, July 13, 2017

Here Ya Go Bob...

In the Name of the Father, the Son and in the Hole You Go...

Tell ya what I'm gonna do.  This weekend and this weekend only , if you act , I'm gonna give you my gen-u-ine  Herbert W Armstrong signed and David L. Antion bone-e-fied Ordination Certificate.  My name can be cut out and you can paste in your own name in the font of your choice. I know it can be done sweet and easy and no one will ever question you again. 

 It comes with a pretty seal of approval and if you can tough it out 25 years, a Lion/Lamb Seiko with a dead battery can be yours as a bonus.  I was going to throw it in Lake Ontario but sent it back . You can have that too by simply calling the Wildworld Church of God at their administrative offices in...in...wherever they went.  Sadly and of course, you get no retirement as God hates retirement . It's in the Bible somewhere. 
Act NOW!  
This offer can be retracted at any time  especially if Gerald Flurry wants to buy them for his Brotherly Love Museum 
But Wait!!!!
There's More!!!

 If you act NOW. I will throw in absolutely FREE a bone-e-fied Ordination Certificate from one Joseph W. Tkach should you ever stray from your probably sure words of prophecy and need a back up to certify your about face.  This double portioned value is yours free for the taking.  Apostate Former Deacon Joseph W. Tkach  (AKA Alphonso Capone Tkach) backdated it to May 18th, 1975, don't ask me why, but if he can make ordination poo poo up about himself, I don't see why you can't.  Don't worry of it!  I've even heard of some getting anointed for a cold and coming out at the "amen" a Prophet!!!.  It's a miracle!!! You get a bonus 20 years credit even if it's a typo and historical proof that HWA and JWT Co-Ruled in the Wildworld Church of God.  


I wish you the very best with your gen-u-ine ordination and your probably, could be we'll see Church of the Sure Word of Prophecy , we can hope endeavors in both Africa and The Arctic Circle.

9 comments:

Byker Bob said...

Bob Thiel doesn't have the skill set to sound any sort of alarm. Even if he realized the full implications of the Anthropocenic Sixth Mass Extinction, which is actually real, it is doubtful that he could get out any sort of audible or credible warning, or to influence anyone to do anything in any way.

The HWAcaca is preventing their own small number of people from seeing the real threat. Within the past several decades, man has destroyed the ecology system known as planet Earth, but not quite in the ways that HWA fabricated in compiling a marketing program for his church. Why clean up the oceans or limit your carbon footprint as the Germans and other responsible members of the Paris Accord would like you to do, if you believe the Germans are going to come over here and enslave English-speaking people (including their own descendents)?

Increasingly, as more accurate data continues to come in, Armstrongites are going to find themselves on the wrong side of history and public policy, and are going to need to make some important decisions as to which side they are on.

BB

nck said...

The ante dating of the certificate is hilarious.

For pure entertainment purposes I was watching "Blast from the past" with lovely Alicia Silverstone.

The mother of the man wandering from the "radiation bunker" after 35 years of hiding, insists he ought to find a girl from Pasadena.

I wonder why?

Nck

Btw the "dcd" initials immediately transported my mind back to FOT squaredancing activity. Do c do with your partner... Although Carlton does refer to a "prince" from Bel Air. At least the middle initial is real.

DennisCDiehl said...

All ordination stuff aside, in hindsight and honestly, I was not properly trained in Biblical studies or ministry by WCG/AC It was neither the "beginning of all knowledge" or a place to also "learn to make a living." I have coined the term "Mere Bible readers" as the best description I can come up with of the Church of God ministry. I had a different impression of ministerial training from my upbringing in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church which was part of the Westminster Theological Seminary etc. It's ministry was well trained. I was naive in going to AC thinking it was just a better "seminary".

In hindsight, I was sincere in it all. I don't think the average member, with their own issues, can appreciate the drama and trauma of pastoring for WCG under HWA, RCM, GTA and JWT. From practically day one in the ministry it was scandal and drama and I was in massive denial of it all because I wanted it to work out. It felt most authentic to me until it simply did not. It was a lonely experience and friends in churches came and went. The constant moving was harmful to me and my family at so many levels some of which I will pay for the rest of my life. Some of the ministers I met along the way were very nice and compassionate types and others, just plain wacky and I avoided them if at all possible.

When I look at those ordination credentials it seems like a lifetime ago. It also seems like 20 minutes ago. I don't consider myelf to ever having been "Converted". Don't rejoice in that or amen me too soon however. I knew no one, minister or member who seemed any different after baptism save for feeling they must be or had to be. People don't change that much in a lifetime. Stopping some bad habit is not a credential for ministry or proof of anything but a simple rehab common to many. It is why I get a chuckle out of Bob Thiel claim a "double portion of the Spirit"

2x0=0 Bob is not doubly or noticeably better or more powerful than his regular self. He's not twice as smart, spiritual, powerful or effective.

If there is any example of "conversion" it would be Jimmy Carter. But then again, I suspect he was always a smart and very nice person from the start. Benny Hinn...not so much.

Hoss said...

responsible members of the Paris Accord

I think any progress Bob Thiel appeared to be making in the relevance of climate change was reversed by the Pope becoming involved, and the Norwegian pastor's poetic license of calling climate change an 'unpardonable sin'.

Connie Schmidt said...

But Dennis... The certification is not enough. You have to go one step further and "LAY HANDS" on him....

May I humbly suggest that this be --- A PUNCH IN THE MOUTH!

Byker Bob said...

The Norwegian seed repository, created specifically to replenish the earth in case of a doomsday scenario was endangered and could have been wiped out as a result of global warming. It is strategically located in an area based on historic temperatures that go back hundreds of years, and known never to defrost. But, due to some extremely unseasonably warm days, parts of the building became flooded due to thawing of ice and snow. Fortunately, the water did not reach the areas in which the seeds are catalogued and stored.

Also, earlier this week, the Larsen C ice shelf in Antarctica "calved" an ice berg the size of the US state of Delaware. Previously, when Larsen A and B calved their shelves, the major masses of ice which these had held back or retained soon disintegrated and slid into the ocean as well.

Coral reefs around the earth are bleaching out due to higher ocean temperatures, resulting in a depletion of the fish populations on which surrounding civilizations depend for much of their protein.

Clearly, the false prophecies of the HWAcaca are getting some stiff competition! One can understand why the ACOGs would deny climate change, or diminish its importance. Their thought processes are
reminiscent of a certain river in Egypt.

BB

James said...

Dennis,

If you can scan the paper document in a scanner and send it to me I can fill out Bob's name in place of yours making him a apostle endorsed by HWA.

Dennis Diehl said...

Oh he'd love that!

Hoss said...

Connie wrote You have to go one step further and "LAY HANDS" on him....

Clearly the "almost arrested" tag indicates someone was going to lay hands on him!